Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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