dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
