remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
