I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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