Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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