Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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