When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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