Duck Duck Cougar?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
