Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
