Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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