we have officially lost it.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
