Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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