in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
