at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
