Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
