Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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