we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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