I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
