Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
