you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
