i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
