I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
