??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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