So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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