i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
