All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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