Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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