either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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