Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
