Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
