My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
