I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
