So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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