he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
