If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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