Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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