i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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