Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
