Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
