Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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