i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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