I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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