I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
