god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
