White coat. Heels.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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