I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
