OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Randomize
