I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
