her vagine was all disorganized.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
