I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
