i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
