What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
