so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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