K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she pinky promised me she was 18
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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