You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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