You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
