Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
