oh god the rape fog is back!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
