Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
