those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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