I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize