that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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