You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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