Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
