I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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