I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
