I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
